"Hating Other People", by David G. McDivitt

To: Passive Aggressive List 
Subject: Re: bursqe versus diplomacy
From: "David G. McDivitt" 
Date: Wed, 8 Mar 2000 21:43:13 -0600

In my life I have often been short on tact. Numerous times I have found myself resenting those who are proficient politically. The last few years I have done better, and I continue to improve. When I hated people for their suave persona, all I would do is set myself up to show my ass. Many times I sabotaged what I could have obtained, simply because I did not know how to get along with others. Each time this happened, I would view in retrospect how foolish I was. If I enter a new environment with apprehension, the nervousness and insecurity will cause me to pay too much attention to silly things others do which don't really make any difference.

All I can say is that social skills are necessary. By no means am I perfect. Maybe some of the retrospection I've had of my behavior has begun to have effect. I have learned to accept the fact some people are better at social skills than I am. If they are better at it, then they deserve whatever reward. The fact they do well DOES NOT leave me out in the cold. The fact they do well DOES NOT mean there's nothing left for me.

I got tired of hating other people. Though I say that, there are still times when I find myself doing it. If I'm lucky in those times I will REMEMBER to think. I will remember what a "cut off my nose to spite my face" attitude did for me in past, and I will know not to set myself up again.

In summation I will say there is nothing to be gained by hating other people. Saying a crass attitude is justified for whatever reason; call it realism, pragmatism, logic, or what have you; cannot discount the fact that hate is hate, and resentment is resentment. If I hate people it will eventually come out in my speech and behavior, and I will not do well in whatever social environment as a result.

>From: "Carl S. Strain"
>Date: Wed, 8 Mar 2000 20:42:37 -0600
>It is my belief that for the purposes of getting along,
>it is better to be diplomatic, than bursque.
>(keep from offending with some truth (your opinion or otherwise) someone else's sensitivity may not tolereate well).
>Diplomatic means sugaring stuff up, withholing true thoughts for sugared up diplomatic ones with icing on them..
>And with a PA, diplomatic is just the natural order of the day, meaning
>saying "nice doggie" until they can find a rock to hit you with (under the table, of course).
>It is also my belief that it is better, for the purposes of healing,
>to be honest, to the point of core honesty, about what we are thiking, and thus sharing (no phoniness at all).
>this list is for the purpose of healing, is it not?
>I was here for that, and still am.
>I learn from all of you, even if I piss you off, or even if you piss me off...
>Therefore, it is for honesty, not sugared up phony opinions, but real ones (this list)?
>so we have
>diplomacy versus bursque.
>Diplomacy usually means "phony", sugaring up, being phony... more like PA...
>..outward appearances, not saying what we really think..
>Bursque IS saying what we really think, and that is being real...so that is how we heal,
>and after we heal, that is how we can relate, with no sugar:
>i.e. "I don't care for that dress, but am glad you do"
>(or simply say "oh where did oyu get it" (think of a genuine question that dodges your opinion)..:
>rather than 'what a lovely dress (as we turn our head and gag).

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